I wouldn't know anything about church booty calls because after attending church on a regular basis for over 19 years, I've only attributed one booty-call hookup as a result of meeting someone at church. I won't mention the name of the church or the location. (and definitely not her name) That means that after approximately over 1000 visit to a specific institution, I've hooked up with someone only once.
Hence, why I don't encourage people to meet up at church. It's not so much that it's frowned upon to begin with because the higher-ups get uppity when the focus and attention isn't on them. (They'll use the term "God," but in all actuality, they really mean themselves) And it wasn't or isn't so much that I was "focused on God" such that checking out women took a complete back seat. It was a result on the type of churches I attended.
I've always credited The Salvation Army as being my "1st homechurch." Yet the first institution where my spiritual journey began was actually a church in Oakland prior to their move to another East Bay city. And it wasn't that people weren't hooking up there, heck even the senior pastor there used his position as pastor, the church and private school to target his underage female side activities. I tend to connect and communicate with those church attending female counter-parts who supposedly placed a priority on focusing more about God and less on pursuing a dating relationship.
At least that was THEIR excuse.
Truth is, if they wanted to, they would've did what they wanted to do. The "God" thing was merely a polite way of turning someone down. On top of that, inquiring about one's relational status openly in a church setting was regularly frowned upon. Hell, several years back, I attended a church of a young up and coming pastor whose wife loved her thong style lingerie. Of course I don't remember a damn thing HE said during the service. I do remember what SHE wore at church services. And it wasn't like I could really discuss the matter with someone nearby me. 1) I could get frowned upon again 2) If I asked another guy about whether or not it was appropriate to notice, if he didn't notice, he eventually would and that would get another guy is the same predicament. 3) People at church talk. Last thing I needed was chatter about me for future visits. Truth be told, as a whole, most ministers and pastors are married to MILFs. I suppose that because the entire family is unnecessarily placed under some judgmental microscope, there's a pressure and expectation for the spouses of the minister to "present themselves" more. That thong was just a bonus.
Discussing about anything EXCEPT sex could perhaps be a deterrent to regular church attendance from some people. It's the "pink elephant" people are attempting to ignore. Yet I would have the say that of all the scandals involving ministers, sex related situations seem to top it. Should anyone be surprised? There's no dialogue, no outlet, no acknowledgement, no way to express a topic that's so clearly there.
I recall during a Salvation Army service that highlighted their Summer Service Corps program, one of the (very hot and attractive) Summer Service Corps alumni shared her testimony about her sexual struggles and addictions and our corps council members (elder board) commended her on sharing something so personal and private, and how brave she was for her openness. They also invited us to reach out to them (the whole team who presented) after the conclusion of service. So I did reach out to...HER! Just when we were talking about our respective different spiritual struggles, we began to hit on the topic of relationship status. That's when the officer's (pastor) wife chimed in and took her off to "meet other folks" and re-directed her away. (Actuality, she was not "the pastor's wife," as she was co-equal in position. That's one credit I have to hand The Salvation Army) So I applied to the Summer Service Corps program a year afterwards! I was accepted to teach English in Asia during the summer. That was one trip that I was on my best behavior and abstained from sex. I had to finally forgive myself recently (that trip was the summer of 1997) because I felt that I "wasted" a trip to Asia because of the lack of sex. In subsequent trips to Asia in the past 10 years, I did my best to make up for that lost opportunity.
Lets face it, people attend church to meet other people. This whole notion that sex with someone other than their spouse needs a much deeper dialogue than "well God forbids it." So what? God supposedly forbids a lot of other stuff too. And not to harp on anything, nowhere in the Bible did God forbid cannabis. Not that I"m an advocate for such activities, but this whole notion that it's bad is none of the business of the church.
So going back to the sex thing.
While I was attending a church called the Journey, based out of San Francisco, I participated in a goal-setting program that gave a time frame to achieve 4 different goals: Physical, Monetary/Career, Relationship, and Spiritual. On my spiritual goal, I decided that I'll have 12 new guests to my church on a Sunday service within a 90 day period. Basically, I'll have 1 new guest per week to attend church with me. Criteria: they have not visited a church in over 1 year or longer; preferably someone who's never step foot in a church before.
One of my friends, a transplant from New York, decided to accompany me to church. The Journey San Francisco at that time leased space at a concert/weekend night club location in the central part of SF. During the service, the pastor came out and did his kvetching. My friend could not contain his laughter to the point that he left the main room briefly to compose himself. Other members looked towards me, wondering what that was about. Finally when church service concluded, he explained everything to me.
My friend was a freelance bartender who worked on the weekends. The reason why he agreed to attend that particular service was because he was assigned to tend bar at that same location the night before. He had friends in security who allowed him to crash somewhere in the lobby until the next morning. The reason why he lost composure was because the stage area where the pastor was leading was apparently the "designated fisting section" the night before. He basically couldn't get the visuals out of his head during the pastor's talk on "purity." I had to admit, he needed to explain to me what "fisting" was. After that, I too had trouble attending services at The Journey afterwards as I futilely attempted to get the visuals out of my head.
Several Easters ago, I attended a church's traditional Passion Play. That's when the drama department of most churches do the first of their two annual performances for the year. (The second being the Christmas play) The Passion play depicts the trial of Jesus all the way to the Resurrection of Jesus, so there's a heavy emphasis on the physical torture of Jesus. Needless to say, those scenes are notorious for evoking heavy emotions for the audience members. Many members of the audience are conducting their personal "re-commitment back to God(Jesus)" or even some of them are making a commitment for the first time. The person playing Jesus is scantily-clad, covered in artificial blood, carrying a heavy wooden plank on his shoulders. One or two people are dressed in Roman soldier costumes following Jesus and re-enacting a torture scene while walking through the intricate aisles of the church. No, they do not re-enact this scene on the stage, they are up-close and personal to the audience. (It's by design)
So what does this have to do with the sex topic?
After that most recently viewing of the Passion Play several years back, I resolved to not view anymore of such display. No it wasn't the repentant emotion that was evoked. No, it wasn't guilt either. You see, after I noticed that the prop the Roman soldiers were using to "torture" Jesus was a whip designed for bondage and S and M activities, I completely lost it.
Yes, I couldn't stop my laughter while everyone else was crying, some even bawling.
Here I was in this situation where I couldn't really turn to someone else and point out the fact that I saw the exact same whip at these stores in San Francisco called Stormy Leather, and Good Vibrations. It was sort of a similar situation as "observing" the under attire of that minister's MILFy wife. So I laughed. Actually I covered my mouth with both hands and ran out of the sanctuary, and apparently that gesture was completely misread by the ushers who followed me out to make sure I was "OK." It was similar to when my friend visited The Journey and had a similar reaction to that whole "fisting" thing.
So for churches and meeting women, its such a low percentage for me. Like I said at first, I've only met ONE single person at a church setting after almost 20 years of church going that resulted in sex. Of all the institutions that gave me the highest probability of "companionship," it was school.
I guess it's time to re-apply to grad school!
Hence, why I don't encourage people to meet up at church. It's not so much that it's frowned upon to begin with because the higher-ups get uppity when the focus and attention isn't on them. (They'll use the term "God," but in all actuality, they really mean themselves) And it wasn't or isn't so much that I was "focused on God" such that checking out women took a complete back seat. It was a result on the type of churches I attended.
I've always credited The Salvation Army as being my "1st homechurch." Yet the first institution where my spiritual journey began was actually a church in Oakland prior to their move to another East Bay city. And it wasn't that people weren't hooking up there, heck even the senior pastor there used his position as pastor, the church and private school to target his underage female side activities. I tend to connect and communicate with those church attending female counter-parts who supposedly placed a priority on focusing more about God and less on pursuing a dating relationship.
At least that was THEIR excuse.
Truth is, if they wanted to, they would've did what they wanted to do. The "God" thing was merely a polite way of turning someone down. On top of that, inquiring about one's relational status openly in a church setting was regularly frowned upon. Hell, several years back, I attended a church of a young up and coming pastor whose wife loved her thong style lingerie. Of course I don't remember a damn thing HE said during the service. I do remember what SHE wore at church services. And it wasn't like I could really discuss the matter with someone nearby me. 1) I could get frowned upon again 2) If I asked another guy about whether or not it was appropriate to notice, if he didn't notice, he eventually would and that would get another guy is the same predicament. 3) People at church talk. Last thing I needed was chatter about me for future visits. Truth be told, as a whole, most ministers and pastors are married to MILFs. I suppose that because the entire family is unnecessarily placed under some judgmental microscope, there's a pressure and expectation for the spouses of the minister to "present themselves" more. That thong was just a bonus.
Discussing about anything EXCEPT sex could perhaps be a deterrent to regular church attendance from some people. It's the "pink elephant" people are attempting to ignore. Yet I would have the say that of all the scandals involving ministers, sex related situations seem to top it. Should anyone be surprised? There's no dialogue, no outlet, no acknowledgement, no way to express a topic that's so clearly there.
I recall during a Salvation Army service that highlighted their Summer Service Corps program, one of the (very hot and attractive) Summer Service Corps alumni shared her testimony about her sexual struggles and addictions and our corps council members (elder board) commended her on sharing something so personal and private, and how brave she was for her openness. They also invited us to reach out to them (the whole team who presented) after the conclusion of service. So I did reach out to...HER! Just when we were talking about our respective different spiritual struggles, we began to hit on the topic of relationship status. That's when the officer's (pastor) wife chimed in and took her off to "meet other folks" and re-directed her away. (Actuality, she was not "the pastor's wife," as she was co-equal in position. That's one credit I have to hand The Salvation Army) So I applied to the Summer Service Corps program a year afterwards! I was accepted to teach English in Asia during the summer. That was one trip that I was on my best behavior and abstained from sex. I had to finally forgive myself recently (that trip was the summer of 1997) because I felt that I "wasted" a trip to Asia because of the lack of sex. In subsequent trips to Asia in the past 10 years, I did my best to make up for that lost opportunity.
Lets face it, people attend church to meet other people. This whole notion that sex with someone other than their spouse needs a much deeper dialogue than "well God forbids it." So what? God supposedly forbids a lot of other stuff too. And not to harp on anything, nowhere in the Bible did God forbid cannabis. Not that I"m an advocate for such activities, but this whole notion that it's bad is none of the business of the church.
So going back to the sex thing.
While I was attending a church called the Journey, based out of San Francisco, I participated in a goal-setting program that gave a time frame to achieve 4 different goals: Physical, Monetary/Career, Relationship, and Spiritual. On my spiritual goal, I decided that I'll have 12 new guests to my church on a Sunday service within a 90 day period. Basically, I'll have 1 new guest per week to attend church with me. Criteria: they have not visited a church in over 1 year or longer; preferably someone who's never step foot in a church before.
One of my friends, a transplant from New York, decided to accompany me to church. The Journey San Francisco at that time leased space at a concert/weekend night club location in the central part of SF. During the service, the pastor came out and did his kvetching. My friend could not contain his laughter to the point that he left the main room briefly to compose himself. Other members looked towards me, wondering what that was about. Finally when church service concluded, he explained everything to me.
My friend was a freelance bartender who worked on the weekends. The reason why he agreed to attend that particular service was because he was assigned to tend bar at that same location the night before. He had friends in security who allowed him to crash somewhere in the lobby until the next morning. The reason why he lost composure was because the stage area where the pastor was leading was apparently the "designated fisting section" the night before. He basically couldn't get the visuals out of his head during the pastor's talk on "purity." I had to admit, he needed to explain to me what "fisting" was. After that, I too had trouble attending services at The Journey afterwards as I futilely attempted to get the visuals out of my head.
Several Easters ago, I attended a church's traditional Passion Play. That's when the drama department of most churches do the first of their two annual performances for the year. (The second being the Christmas play) The Passion play depicts the trial of Jesus all the way to the Resurrection of Jesus, so there's a heavy emphasis on the physical torture of Jesus. Needless to say, those scenes are notorious for evoking heavy emotions for the audience members. Many members of the audience are conducting their personal "re-commitment back to God(Jesus)" or even some of them are making a commitment for the first time. The person playing Jesus is scantily-clad, covered in artificial blood, carrying a heavy wooden plank on his shoulders. One or two people are dressed in Roman soldier costumes following Jesus and re-enacting a torture scene while walking through the intricate aisles of the church. No, they do not re-enact this scene on the stage, they are up-close and personal to the audience. (It's by design)
So what does this have to do with the sex topic?
After that most recently viewing of the Passion Play several years back, I resolved to not view anymore of such display. No it wasn't the repentant emotion that was evoked. No, it wasn't guilt either. You see, after I noticed that the prop the Roman soldiers were using to "torture" Jesus was a whip designed for bondage and S and M activities, I completely lost it.
Yes, I couldn't stop my laughter while everyone else was crying, some even bawling.
Here I was in this situation where I couldn't really turn to someone else and point out the fact that I saw the exact same whip at these stores in San Francisco called Stormy Leather, and Good Vibrations. It was sort of a similar situation as "observing" the under attire of that minister's MILFy wife. So I laughed. Actually I covered my mouth with both hands and ran out of the sanctuary, and apparently that gesture was completely misread by the ushers who followed me out to make sure I was "OK." It was similar to when my friend visited The Journey and had a similar reaction to that whole "fisting" thing.
So for churches and meeting women, its such a low percentage for me. Like I said at first, I've only met ONE single person at a church setting after almost 20 years of church going that resulted in sex. Of all the institutions that gave me the highest probability of "companionship," it was school.
I guess it's time to re-apply to grad school!
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